Don’t Fuss Over Lines: Where art and love of the environment run parallel.

Don’t Fuss Over Lines: Where art and love of the environment run parallel.

For an incredibly long time, the duration of my life actually, I have loved to create. This love has lived in juxtaposition with a tenacious aspiration to perfection.

Even as I reread that last sentence I find myself paralysed, agonizing over the placement of each word. Does is run smoothly? Could I find a better word for aspiration? And my recording of what started out as a clear train of thought comes to a crashing halt, cabooses colliding forward in a jumbled accordion zigzag as the engine stutters and runs out of steam.

trainAccordion

When drawing I would fuss over each line, it’s placement, it’s shape, it’s weight. I would spend hours mixing just the right colour for the one leaf on the one tree in the forest in front of me. Rolls of film never got past the contact sheet, I have probably deleted far more photographs off my DSLR than I have kept. Musical instruments neglected, propped in corners, passed by with nagging guilt because my dedication never rocketed me to superstardom.

Inevitably frustration would reign supreme and I would walk away from a project physically and emotionally exhausted. Nothing was ever good enough to finish, let alone polished enough to show another human being who posses functional eyes and ears.

All or nothing is a flawed method of creation. It leads to closets full of expensive art materials, unused and unloved. It is also an unrealistic and discouraging expectation when it comes to changing my impact on the environment.

 

‘I don’t think she’s as green as she thinks she is.’

 

An opinion stated behind my back years ago. One that I struggled to find a response to until today.

I have a goal to refine my art, to achieve a point where there is no longer hesitancy between my thoughts and their physical manifestation through my hands. I am not there yet, and I do not know if I ever will be, but I am done letting despair due to a seemingly infinite distance between today’s reality and the end vision stop me.

I have a goal to continually reduce the negative environmental impacts my choices cast around me. To eventually get to a place where the circumference of my footprint is restricted to my shoe size. I am definitely not there yet, and I do not know how I will manage it, but I am not going to let the enormity of the project dissuade me from walking with purpose.

=)
Genevieve

Next Post
Previous Post

4 Comments

  1. Marie

    LOVE this post!

    Reply
    • Genevieve

      Thank you, Marie! =)

      Reply
  2. Lynn

    Hi Genevieve,

    You have described me to a “T”when you said, “When drawing I would fuss over each line, it’s placement, it’s shape, it’s weight. I would spend hours mixing just the right colour for the one leaf on the one tree in the forest in front of me. Rolls of film never got past the contact sheet, I have probably deleted far more photographs off my DSLR than I have kept. Musical instruments neglected, propped in corners, passed by with nagging guilt because my dedication never rocketed me to superstardom.

    Inevitably frustration would reign supreme and I would walk away from a project physically and emotionally exhausted. Nothing was ever good enough to finish, let alone polished enough to show another human being who posses functional eyes and ears.”

    I have and still do all of these things you’ve mentioned. I also often feel the pangs of regret of all the things I’ve left in my wake, unfinished. I often think if only I had continued, how good would I be now? I don’t know why I am like this, but it seems to have been a part of me for as long as I can remember.

    Procrastination is big in my life as well. I think it is associated in some way. I think the procrastination comes into play because, I fear not doing something well enough, so I often leave it until the last minute.

    I’ve tried a myriad of musical instruments. There was the harmonica, the guitar, the recorder, the ukulele and, most recently the saxophone. I ended up frustrated with all my attempts. I just could not get good enough, fast enough. I have put them all away… except the ukulele, which sadly, I lost. I have a beautiful set of pastels, pencils, acrylics, a bunch of canvasses and all the paintbrushes I would ever need. I could probably open an art and music shop for all the paraphrenalia I have.

    Not too long ago I joined Candace Raredon’s Moment Catchers, where I originally met your work, which I love, and I must say with that and my own Canada 150 project, I’ve been feeling pretty good about how well my sketching has been coming along. Maybe there is hope yet…

    Hmmm, maybe I should try learning…

    Reply
    • Genevieve

      Hello Lynn,

      It is always good to hear from a fellow Moment Catcher, thank you for seeking me out. =)

      I feel ya! There is just so much I want to learn, so many areas of interest. It doesn’t help that self motivation, maintaining a drive to push past the frustrating beginner’s stage, is tough. Really tough.

      There are 2 activities/habits which I have found work best for me. The first is to create a list of what I want to accomplish today. I keep it short – no more than 5 items, maybe only 2-3 if they are big (like writing a blog post). And then make sure to do each item on that list. Always. As soon as I start letting stuff slide the power of creating a list weakens.

      The second is to set a timer. The pressure of a time limit keeps me focussed, efficient, and contains the frustration to small a portion of the day. I know intellectually that each block of 30 minutes adds up even if I don’t see an improvement during that particular session. It also reduces the avoidance factor, meaning I am more likely to follow through on my next scheduled practice session.

      I’m glad to hear you are feeling good about your sketching! Keep going, I would wager that you are already learning. 😉

      All the best,
      Genevieve

      Reply

Leave a Reply to Genevieve Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *